Things are looking up

I have been feeling an overwhelming feeling of panic since the semester started. I have been having anxiety dreams and feeling like I just didn't have enough time to do everything I needed to and as soon as I thought of something that needed to be done, I would almost start to cry. I wasn't sure why I felt like this so early on. I thought maybe I was worried about my sister who lives in Pakistan and it was surfacing this way. While I AM overloaded with work, it's just the normal I have so much to do stuff, it's not at the break down in tears regularly level (yet). Financially, things are really tight right now - maybe that was it. And physically, my space is chaotic.

Whatever the reason, I have started to feel better. On thing, my home office is nice and neat now. It had become a storage room with a desk in it. No lie, I had a boob high pile of boxes and crap "to deal with" that stretched about three feet. Well, I got a new desk from my parents (who just sold their second home so anything we wanted -- like my childhood desk -- had to be taken and absorbed into our homes now) and to do that I had to take everything out of the office and pile it around the rest of the apartment. Results, my apartment looks like Monk's brother lives here with piles and piles and piles of paper and crap on every surface and piled under the Christmas tree (which is still up) but my office is pristine. Clear, organized, everything neatly on the shelves. I am determined to keep it this way even if it means I can't cook for a month! (I cleared a space in front of the microwave and coffeepot) And because of this, I spent the last two evenings prepping for my classes, which had never gotten completely organized. I now have my nice notebooks made with all the info I need, my lesson plans made out and my blackboard up and up to speed. I feel so much better. I think the stress was less from a lack of time than from a loss of time. I really couldn't get a grasp on what needed to be done when, it was all floating around in my head so each day was a series of "oh shit"s as I realized I had something I desperately needed to get done right away. Now it's all down nice and neat in my planner and course notebooks and I have a nice big clean desk to do them on. Ahhhhhhhh